The Art of Ritual Tending
Ritual is essential in grief and healing because it creates a sacred container where sorrow can be fully expressed, witnessed, and metabolized in community. Grief finds its deepest healing when communally honored rather than privately endured, and ritual provides the structure to do so with reverence and intentionality.
I design, facilitate and tend my rituals using the skills I honed through decades of experience as a group facilitator and retreat leader as well as direct study with renowned psychotherapist and Grief Ritual Tender, Francis Weller, in addition to several other teachers. The primary structure I follow is inspired by Francis Weller's Grief Ritual work and the ancestral practices he honors, including the Dagara tradition taught by Sobonfu Somé and Malidoma Somé.
The specifics of any given Ritual are woven in, based on the group's needs and intentions, as established together in our planning phase.
This structure was once more evident and inherent in times gone by, when we lived in community and elders kept the traditions that birthed us through times both joy-filled and devastating. As a Ritual Tender, I incorporate rhythm, symbol, song and guided exercises, weaving a rich, interactive experience. Together, through shared presence and participation, ritual helps restore our connection to the ancestors, the land, ourselves and one another—allowing grief to flow and ultimately to be transformed.
People sometimes comment, "Why would I want to wallow in my grief?!" The point of a Grief Ritual is not to wallow, but to express, acknowledge, move, release and integrate grief. This is why an experienced, attuned, mature Grief Tender is required to guide the process. My teacher Francis Weller talks about the importance of "keeping grief warm"--so it can continue to move--versus letting it grow cold and solidified within, becoming a block. Ritual helps us keep our grief warm and moving.
A skillfully designed, facilitated and tended Ritual creates a container large enough and potent enough to hold disparate personal griefs as well as communal sorrows, and follows an arc that guides participants through several key phases.
I offer Ritual Tending to groups large and small and in relation to any topic or situation, personal or collective. Rituals can be done in person or virtually. I custom-design each ritual to meet the moment, the size of the group, the time available and the healing intention. A Ritual is a powerful adjunct to a retreat, workshop, seminar, or other gathering, or it can stand on its own as a reason to gather.
"Sharing grief in community and honoring grief through ritual gives meaning and recognition to our losses that go so much beyond psychological healing and 'trauma' healing. It connects us to our soul and to collective souls."--Trish, therapist and grief ritual participant
A community grieves together
The altar above was for a Ritual that was incorporated into an annual 3-day sacred music festival. The impetus behind including a Grief Ritual this year was that several key figures in the wider community had recently passed and people needed a space and a process to acknowledge and share their grief, in addition to having the opportunity to process their personal griefs and other collective sorrows. Attendees were invited to bring photos, sacred objects and other mementos to place on the altar throughout the weekend. On Sunday morning, a group of about 60 attendees gathered on the pier near the property's pond for a powerful Sacred Remembering Ritual to honor individuals in the community and in our personal lives who have passed, as well as to grieve all other losses and sorrows, such as those of the world, the places in us that have not known love and the things we expected in life but did not receive. Woven into the Ritual was live drumming, harmonium playing and toning vocals, adding rich layers to the Ritual. It was the first time for almost all attendees to experience a Grief Ritual and the response of participants demonstrates just how potent--and needed--such communal experiences are.
Some of the written feedback received includes:
"Maggie Kuhn held a grief circle that was the most powerful, healing, loving, melancholy, and truly cathartic ceremony that I have ever done. We prayed, we wept, we felt, we moved energy and we healed in gratitude."
"It was such a special, core memory for both of us [attendee and his young son] to be open to cry with each other and just hold each other in love."
"Thank you so much for the remembrance, grief and gratitude service. it was really wonderful, and it helped me a lot."
"A beautiful ceremony that I will never forget."
"I have been so heavy with grief. But after today's ritual, I feel grounded for the first time in a long time."
"This was my favorite part of the festival."
