The Arc and Art of Ritual Tending

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I design, facilitate and tend my rituals using the following general arc, which is based on my years of experience as a group facilitator and retreat leader as well as my study with renowned psychotherapist and Grief Ritual Tender, Francis Weller. This structure is inspired by his Grief Ritual work and the ancestral practices he honors, including the Dagara tradition taught by Sobonfu Somé and Malidoma Somé.

The specifics of any given Ritual are woven in, based on the group's needs and intentions, as established together in our planning phase. 

Theme: Safety, containment, sacred intention

Before any ritual can begin, there must be a sacred container—physically, emotionally, and spiritually. This includes:

• Creating a safe space (through beauty, symbols, music, drumming, altars)
   
• Naming the purpose and holding clear intention
   
• Gathering community in mutual agreement to witness and support one another
   
• Inviting ancestors, guides, and the sacred into the circle
   

“We cannot enter the sacred without preparation. The body needs to feel safe. The soul needs to feel welcomed.” — Francis Weller

Theme: Crossing the threshold

Once the container is established, the ritual begins with an invocation—calling in the sacred, the unseen, the ancestral. Participants are led across a psychological threshold from ordinary time into ritual time. This often includes:

• Breathwork, chanting, drumming, silence
   
• Journaling, story, poetry, or myth to awaken the soul
   
• Naming the griefs being carried—personal, ancestral, collective, ecological, of the world
   

This descent invites participants to feel what has been buried, avoided, or unexpressed. Weller calls this "the necessary surrender."

Theme: Letting grief move

This is the heart of the ritual—the place where grief is given expression. Participants may:

• Cry, wail, rock, speak to the dead, sing, or weep into the earth
   
• Be held or witnessed by others without fixing (parameters for this are set in advance in the group agreements)
   
• Offer symbolic gestures (stones, ashes, water, prayers)
   

Grief is seen as communal, not private. The community holds space while each person’s grief is brought forward and honored as time and format allows.

“Grief needs a witness. Not someone to fix it, but someone to stand near.”--Francis Weller

Theme: From sorrow to sacred meaning

After the wave of expression, there is a turning toward integration. Participants are supported in remembering the beauty, love, and meaning that gave rise to the grief. This may include:

• Lighting candles, sharing gratitude, creating offerings
   
• Speaking the names of the dead or what has been lost
   
• Resting in stillness, song, or silence
   

This phase transforms grief from an unbearable weight into a source of depth and connection.

Theme: Returning with new depth

The ritual concludes with a conscious return to "ordinary time." The sacred container is gently opened. Participants may:

• Share reflections or insights
   
• Offer blessings to one another
   
• Eat a communal meal or perform a grounding act
   

This stage emphasizes the return—not to “normal,” but to life enriched by what has been touched in the ritual space.

"We come back not as we were, but stretched wider by sorrow and praise.”--Francis Weller

The altar above was for a Ritual that was incorporated into an annual 3-day sacred music festival. The impetus behind including a Grief Ritual this year was that several key figures in the wider community had recently passed and people needed a space and a process to acknowledge and share their grief, in addition to having the opportunity to process their personal griefs and other collective sorrows. Attendees were invited to bring photos, sacred objects and other mementos to place on the altar throughout the weekend. On Sunday morning, a group of about 60 attendees gathered on the pier near the property's pond for a powerful Sacred Remembering Ritual to honor individuals in the community and in our personal lives who have passed, as well as to grieve all other losses and sorrows, such as those of the world, the places in us that have not known love and the things we expected in life but did not receive. Woven into the Ritual was live drumming, harmonium playing and toning vocals, adding rich layers to the Ritual. It was the first time for almost all attendees to experience a Grief Ritual and the response of particIpants demonstrates just how potent--and needed--such communal experiences are. 

Some of the written feedback received includes:

"Maggie Kuhn held a grief circle that was the most powerful, healing, loving, melancholy, and truly cathartic ceremony that I have ever done. We prayed, we wept, we felt, we moved energy and we healed in gratitude."

"It was such a special, core memory for both of us [attendee and his young son] to be open to cry with each other and just hold each other in love."

"Thank you so much for the remembrance,  grief and gratitude service. it was really wonderful, and it helped me a lot."

"A beautiful ceremony that I will never forget."

"I have been so heavy with grief. But after today's ritual, I feel grounded for the first time in a long time."

"This was my favorite part of the festival."